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the anatomy of mel and cali

by mrs. hopewell

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1.
i never played the drums and i never read the wasteland i never took the trash out when you said i had to i never did a lot for you i never i never i never say im sorry i need delusions to lean on i need a realist to bury me i need a person to lean on i need delusions to bury me and i never heard you out when you said youre tired of livin i never bought you roses when i said i would do i never i never i never say im sorry i need delusions to lean on i need a realist to bury me i need a person to lean on i need delusions to bury me
2.
have you finished your novel? have you finished the stuff you said youd do when we were back in college? that's alright, me neither but i know that we dont think like we used to im leafing through my old notebooks and i dont like my old worldview hey hows it up in new haven? what do the yalies and townies get up to? and whats it like to live there? can you afford you a solo 3 bedroom? and do you ride your bike there? im thumbing through old colonial listings probably pull the trigger soon well im sorry for calling i know that you're busy i guess i didnt have a lot to say well im sorry to bother i dont need to visit i guess i didnt have a lot to say
3.
she said you're becoming a recluse i said you're becoming your dad she said i was growing so distant i said i didnt think that bad she said she was thinking of dating i said i wouldnt talk about that when i said i was thinking of leaving you hit my pillow with a baseball bat she says that im more of a burton i say that she's more of a sterne her new guy probably falls under marlowe her new guy sucks from what i discern she says that he writes for new yorker oh my goodness how special you are does have a free black and white tote bag or does he wear a cap from NPR?
4.
im sure you hate me when i still love you a fool for dreaming that i can undo the ceaseless mess ups the times i bugged you i dream every day the dreams go away of you you left your records forgot your t shirt your curtain still hangs above my bed now im stuck watchin the movies we loved and dream every day that i coulda stayed with you im workin on myself with others too i guess its over i guess what can you do i guess i still got the memories youre in my backyard youre in my fig tree i cant forget you reading homer in portuguese ive been working on myself with others too i been searching for a different point of view
5.
a cigarette to throw inside a gas tank a cigarette to scar inside your lungs a skull with eye sockets to hold my pencils a skull with teeth enough to bite my tongue im ripping off an old medieval clergy im ripping off the only ones i love dissecting cats and vivisecting leathers dissecting rats and alchemizing nuns i wanna scare my children i wanna scare the ones i love i wanna have consumption i wanna wear a poet shirt i want some buckled shoes and gawk at printed news i wanna hang a witch til dead i wanna have consumption
6.
he cant sleep in bed again and wont choke down medicine and wont nap since dad died on the couch she wont accept the dreams and then she dont get to work at ten and weeps cause your ghost still haunts the house it was a cool breeze the wind and the sand a slick din and shows with the band the snack runs and the endless coke cans we wish we'd invited you we wish we had tried to do we wish we got close to you as you hold my hand but that wont help him sleep tonight your words wont help him sleep tonight cause he cant sleep in bed again and wont choke down medicine and wont nap since dad died on the couch she wont accept the dreams and then she dont get to work at ten and weeps cause your ghost still haunts the house we cant seem to bet against the dopes who screwed everything and left you to wash down the spout we dont ever win against the groutracks who deal you in and hold you inside and about
7.
hey clarissa hey are you alone i wonder are you lonely or in bed in and stoned i wonder can we hangout or should we postpone i got some free time friday we can stay up late we can watch "The Hours" we can medicate with the pills you dealt when i was overweight when we covered up your jersey license plate i got a full day on sunday and i got one monday too been outta work since tuesday but it's better with you hey clarissa lets stay on the phone i wonder should we go and grab an ice cream cone i wanna Friendly's m&m and jimmy cyclone you can take off friday you can delegate we can watch some tv we know we both hate with the pills you dealt when i was overweight when we melted down your jersey license plate i gotta full day on sunday and i got one monday too ive fallen in the ashtray it's alright when im with you...
8.
ive been finding artifacts from back when we were kids from when the summers never ended even when they did with you with you been pouring over all the scribbles in the books you did from the autumn classes when you panicked and you hid into my room and ive been searching for a winter penance i can give one thats packaged one thats earnest one that you can see is true so what can i do but its your spring and all your spring and all all i have left is your spring and all

credits

released August 7, 2020

all songs written and recorded 6.28.20 - 7.08.20 by Christopher Nicastro

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